The Way of Words
by LEJ418
Summary: Embark on an crazy series of IM converstations constisting of firebreathing hats,pink hair, and overall plenty of laughs. Features Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Fred, George, Draco and more.
1. Chapter 1: Miss Scarlett and Cat Eyes

A/N: This fic is very pointless but if you're in the mood for humory fluff you'll like it It's an IM conversation between Harry (HP), Ron (RW), Hermione (HG) and Ginny(GW). THIS IS NOT VERY REALISTIC just and FYI Enjoy! –L Disclaimer: This all belongs to Rowling I just do stupid stuff with her characters  
  
HG: Hello????  
  
HP: Hi Hermione. What's up?  
  
HG: My mum made me go shopping again, she's trying to make me wear red and I hate red.  
  
HP: I like red.  
  
HG: I wonder why, could it be a certain redheaded youngest Weasley who you are currently smitten with?  
  
HP: Oi shut it, and how did you know about that?  
  
HG: People tell me I'm perceptive.  
  
HP: Where's Ron?  
  
HG: Don't change the subject Harry James Potter, you should tell her how you feel you know.  
  
HP: She gave up on me.  
  
HG: What makes you think that?  
  
HP: The fact you told me that genius.  
  
RW: Hello, who is SHE Harry?  
  
HP: No one, nothing, what do you know ??????  
  
RW: I have no idea what you're talking about how'd you manage to get a computer.  
  
HP: The Dursleys are so afraid Moody will come and turn them into bats they let me do pretty much whatever I want.  
  
HG: Do either of you have my arithmancy book?????  
  
RW: Why would we have that and what's with the extensive punctuation?  
  
HG: Nevermind I just remembered I loaned to Ginny.  
  
HP: How is Ginny?  
  
RW: Why do you care?  
  
HP: Um no reason.  
  
RW: Unless you fancy her  
  
HP: Me, fancy Ginny ha ha.  
  
HG: You're not very good at hiding it.  
  
HP: I have no idea what you're talking about  
  
RW: I think you do Harry and I think we have a few things to discuss about my baby sister when you get here  
  
HG: Continue this later I really don't want to hear it.  
  
RW: Why not?  
  
HG: You two are such gits sometimes.  
  
GW: Hi guys.  
  
RW: How did you get on?  
  
HP: Hi Ginny.  
  
GW: Hello Harry, Hermione Ron- I borrowed Tonks laptop it has muggle and magic stuff on it it's awesome.  
  
RW: Go away!  
  
HP: Don't go away!  
  
GW: Thank you Harry, Hermione I finished Gone with the Wind.  
  
HG: Did you like it?  
  
GW: Scarlett Rocks  
  
HP: Scarlett like your hair ha cool maybe I should call you Miss Scarlett.  
  
GW: Fine cat eyes.  
  
HP: Where'd you come up with that?  
  
GW: Do you really wanna know?  
  
RW: HELLO??????  
  
HP: Where?  
  
GW: You really, really wanna know?  
  
HP: Yes.  
  
GW: You're sure?  
  
HP: Just tell me.  
  
GW: Fine I heard Malfoy say it ,personally I thought it was a compliment, cat eyes are cool.  
  
RW: Could you two flirt somewhere else. Please.  
  
HP: I have no idea what you're talking about Ron.  
  
HG: Ginny could you mail me my arithmancy book I have homework and I need it.  
  
GW: Sure mione I found it really fascinating.  
  
RW: You've been turning my sister into a bookworm she's done nothing but read the books you sent all summer.  
  
GW: Well its not like we can hang out outside Grimmauld place there is nothing to do here except watch Ron mope because he can't play Quidditch.  
  
RW:You're just not devoted to the spot enough.  
  
GW: Am too!  
  
RW: Are not!  
  
GW: I am too!  
  
RW: Are not!  
  
HP: Stop fighting!!!!!!  
  
RW: We'll finish this later.  
  
GW: Bring it on.  
  
HP: So you guys have done nothing but mope.  
  
RW: Nothing whatsoever.  
  
GW: Speak for yourself but Fred and George's visit was quite interesting.  
  
HG: What did they blow up this time???  
  
GW: My hair, I'm lucky mum was there to put it out or I'd be bald.  
  
HP: What did they invent?  
  
GW: Fire breathing hats, I can't believe I was stupid enough to put it on my head.  
  
RW: I do.  
  
GW: I resent that comment.  
  
RW: We also tried to play Quidditch in the house.  
  
HG: How mad did your mum get?  
  
GW: She yelled for an hour without stopping, it's almost a record.  
  
HP: Sounds more fun than here.  
  
RW: Gin mums yelling for you.  
  
GW: One sec.  
  
GW: Arrgh why can't someone else do the laundry like you Ron.  
  
HP: That would be entertaining.  
  
GW: I have to go.  
  
HP: I have to go too Dudley just walked in and it really smells in here.  
  
RW: Mums yelling at me now bye.  
  
HG: bye 


	2. Chapter 2: Pig Steals

Authors note: I wasn't going to do another chapter but one day I just felt like it and here's the result I'd love input and I might put up more if I feel like it. Again this chapter is pointless fluff I wrote because I had nothing better to do. I hope you all like it. As for Conquering Darkness read the authors note I've changed it. Disclaimer: This all belongs to JKRI just do unbelivabley stupid stuff with her characters  
  
HP: Harry Potter GW: Ginny Weasley HG: Hermione Granger RW: Ron Weasley FW: Fred Weasley GeW: George Weasley  
  
Monday  
  
HP: I can't believe you sent Pig to steal 'Miones quill are you insane Ron????????  
  
RW: Don't post here she could get on and see it, owl me  
  
HP: I will post it here whether you like it or not. Now are you ever going to give it back?  
  
GW: You guys are idiots  
  
RW: No one asked you and if you tell her, I will murder you Virginia Molly Weasley  
  
GW: I'll keep quiet  
  
RW: Good  
  
GW: For now  
  
GW: Ouch no need to hit me Ron I won't tell her  
  
HP: Don't hit her she didn't do anything  
  
RW: She's not as innocent as she looks  
  
GW: I resent that comment  
  
HP: Why did you take it?  
  
RW: Isn't it obvious I figured out I like her and when Pig came back from delivering a letter he had her quill so I sort of kept it.  
  
GW and HP: About time you wised up.  
  
RW: That's it I'm gone  
  
GW: Why Harry dear it looks like Ron has left us alone  
  
HP: What ever shall we talk about Ginny?  
  
RW: I'm still here  
  
GW: I think I need to run for it  
  
RW: Harry you are about to become the boy-who-didn't-live  
  
HP: Maybe when I get there we could you know talk about it  
  
GW: That sounds like I good idea I think I'll just leave you two to it ...........  
  
RW: I'm not done with you yet  
  
GW: I think I'll go owl Hermione about where her quill went see ya  
  
RW: In that case, you're both home free  
  
Friday HG: Have any of you seen my peacock feathered quill. I think I lost it. My stuff is mysteriously disappearing somehow  
  
HP: Haven't seen it  
  
GW: Nope don't know a thing maybe you should check your trunk  
  
RW: What quill? Are you talking about a quill? Haven't seen a single quill don't know what you're talking about.  
  
HG: Okay I just wonder where it went I was going to do my transfiguration homework and I couldn't find it. Could one of you owl me one. That was the last quill I had, I need to go to Diagon alley.  
  
RW: We had transfiguration homework???  
  
GW: I'm sure we could find you a quill, couldn't we Ron?  
  
HG: Am I missing something here?  
  
HP: Nope not a thing haven't got a clue what they're talking about Did we have transfiguration homework?  
  
HG: Yes a foot essay on Anamagi  
  
RW: Gin we have to go eat dinner  
  
GW: Bye  
  
HG: What's up with you and Ginny, Harry?  
  
HP: Oh um don't laugh or anything thing but I got the guts to owl her and ask her to go to Hogsmede with me sometime.  
  
HG: Oh, that's great news  
  
HP: Yeah  
  
HG: I get the feeling you know where my quill is  
  
HP: I get the feeling you like Ron  
  
HG: How do you know and who does know?  
  
HP: Take all of Hogwarts castle not to mention all the people at the Burrow, Grimmauld Place and Hogsmede and count them, then subtract you and Ron  
  
HG: That many huh?  
  
HP: Yep that many  
  
HG: Now the question is does he like me?  
  
GW: Duh  
  
HG: Ginny what are you doing here?  
  
GW: Bill made dinner tonight cause mum had to work for the order. Let's just say I pretended to be sick, which really wasn't that difficult.  
  
HG: Where's Ron?  
  
HP: He's eating, did I guess right?  
  
GW: Give that boy a prize, yes and I swear he will eat anything that doesn't eat him first.  
  
F and GeW: You got that right  
  
HG: Fred, George what are you doing here?  
  
FW: It's Gred and Forge for your information and we decided to hack into Ron's computer  
  
HG: Dare I ask why?  
  
GeW: It's not as if we wanted to eat that gunk that Bill calls a meal  
  
FW: He was rather upset when we told him that and banished us from the kitchen  
  
HP: What is this I hear about fire breathing hats?  
  
FW: Ah our more brilliant of inventions is it not George? Ginny?  
  
GeW: Definitely  
  
GW: Not  
  
FW: Do I get the feeling out little Ginnykins doesn't like her hair on fire  
  
GW: For the record that hurt GW: A lot  
  
HP: I'll stop financing if you keep testing your products on innocent bystanders  
  
GeW: Touchy, touchy we seem to have struck a nerve Fred  
  
HG: You sound like Malfoy  
  
FW: We're sorry we were only kidding around don't worry Ginnykins we won't do it again  
  
GW: Mums home and she's yelling I don't like the sound of that Fred I think our sweet tempered mother needs you  
  
GeW: Gotta go  
  
FW: Fast ! Nice chatting with you all apparating away George  
  
GeW: Definitely  
  
GW: Oh, those two can be so mean sometimes  
  
HP: They can be funny too  
  
GW: Yeah  
  
HG: I'm going to go my hands hurt  
  
GW: Bye 'Mione HP: Bye  
  
HP: Are we actually alone Gin?  
  
RW: Nope  
  
GW: Damn  
  
RW: That was a good dinner wasn't it.  
  
GW: I wasn't there genius  
  
RW: You weren't?  
  
GW: Harry would you owl me I'm going to go I can't take anymore of my git of a brother  
  
HP: Bye  
  
RW: So about Ginny....  
  
HP: I'm going to go too, bye Ron  
  
RW: Don't you dare.  
  
RW: Harry did you leave  
  
RW: Oh, you are so in for it now. Reviews JamieBell- Thanks I'm glad you like it although my stuff isn't near as good as yours. You're one of my favorite authors Legendary DigiTamer Lee - I don't think my brain was fully funtional in the first place but here you go mary-v- I hope you like this chapter as much as the last and I agree pointless cristen- Thanks Blue transparent stapler- I'm glad you read it Lavalampronsgirl- Thanks and here's more I hope you liked it 


	3. Chapter 3: Pig Steals Some more

A/N: Here's the next chapter that just popped into my head when I was helping my mom unload groceries this is completely pointless but it's fun anyway. This chapter is just Ginny and Hermione and the stuff at the end is owl posts but I labeled that so you should be able to tell but just in case.  
  
Saturday  
  
HG: Ginny are you here  
  
GW: Yeah, so what did you want to ask me about?  
  
HG: Well it's more like a statement but Ron has my quill doesn't he?  
  
GW: I reserve the right to remain silent  
  
HG: How did he get it?  
  
GW: That stupid owl of his flew in and took it and he accidentally on purpose forgot to send it back. How did you know anyway?  
  
HG: Well you guys are kinda obvious........  
  
GW: Really, I thought I did pretty good  
  
HG: You did but Ron and Harry didn't, oh well subtlety has never been their strong point has it.  
  
GW: Definitely not  
  
HG: So are you going tell me what's going on between you and Harry since you know we can have a chat here girl to girl considering Ron is playing Quidditch and Harry is..... Where is Harry?  
  
GW: His Aunt made him go shopping with her and Dudley I talked to him about an hour ago  
  
HG: So what is going on between you two lately I heard from him he asked you to Hogsmede but I get the feeling there's more...Not to pry or anything GW: I don't mind you're my best friend he also asked me to be his girlfriend and he sent me roses from his aunt's garden yesterday I shudder to think of the pain he went through to get them but it was sweet of him. I sent back a little figurine I found it Diagon Alley it looks like Headwig.  
  
HG: That was sweet of him and of you.  
  
GW: You know I could get that quill back for you it's under Ron's pillow but he sleeps like a rock.  
  
HG: You have to be kidding why would he put it under his pillow  
  
GW: Duh because he likes you  
  
HG: Yeah I got that part but why me I mean I'm just Hermione who knows too much for her own good and has bad hair  
  
GW: Your hair is great and you do not know too much for your own good and I would say the same thing. Why would Harry Potter the Boy who lived, who could have any girl he wants, want me? I mean I'm the one with the bad hair at least your is a normal color mine is way too bright...  
  
HG: I would love to have your hair and by the way, I heard from Lupin that there is something with Potters and red heads  
  
GW: What, just because Lily had red hair?  
  
HG: Yes but so did his grandmother and apparently his great grandmother and his great great grandmother and his-  
  
GW: I get the point when did you talk to Lupin about this and does that family ever produce girls  
  
HG: I don't know and it was last year after your dad was attacked when you made him realize Voldemort wasn't controlling him. I heard Lupin and Sirius in the kitchen talking about Potters and redheads they continued when I walked in so apparently it wasn't a private conversation  
  
GW: I'll talk to you about this later I hear Ron coming back.  
  
HG: Owl me if you have time  
  
Sunday 9 o'clock a.m. Owl Posts  
  
Ginny-  
  
My prefect badge, the hair clip I wore to the Yule Ball, toothbrush, and hairbrush have all disappeared mysteriously. Maybe we need to talk to Ron.  
  
Hermione  
  
Ginny-  
  
Ron just owled he said Pig came back with a whole bunch of Hermione's stuff. You have got to get him to send them back. I think Hermione is going to want her toothbrush and hairbrush back. How did that little owl carry all that stuff anyway?  
  
Harry  
  
Monday 11 0'clock P.M  
  
Hermione-  
  
Here's your stuff back it really disturbs me that Ron wants your toothbrush. I agree I think you need to talk to him.  
  
Ginny  
  
Harry-  
  
I stole the stuff and sent it back to her. I think you need to get here soon Ron is going to notice that stuff isn't under his pillow when he wakes up and I think I'm going to need back up. I honestly wonder the same thing about the owl.  
  
Always, Ginny  
  
P.S. And also how he could possibly sleep with a quill, hairbrush, prefect badge, hair clip and toothbrush under his pillow  
  
Ginny-  
  
What do you mean me talk with him? Hermione  
  
Reviews  
  
Only two so far on the last chapter, that makes me sad.  
  
Gryphonmistress – I might right more. It really depends on if any ideas spring to my head. Keep your eyes open there's a really good chance I will.  
  
ilovesmilies=) – cute user name I'll try to write more. I'm glad both of you liked it. 


	4. Chapter 4: In Which Ron Fesses Up

A/N: Okay so many people wanted another chapter so here it is. Thank you everyone who reviewed you are AWESOME. I loved the feedback. AS FOR GINNY'S NAME. THANK YOU FOR POINTING OUT THAT IT IS GINERVA AND I WILL USE THAT IN THE FUTURE. HOWEVER, I AM GOING TO CONTINUE WITH VIRGINIA FOR THE REST OF THIS FIC TO AVOID CONFUSION. Blame my brother for the reason this chapter wasn't up yesterday. He keeps playing Star Wars on the piano and it's ruining my concentration. And thank you Paige and Claire for reading this over for me I love you guys.  
  
HP: Ron you have to talk to Hermione. Stat!  
  
RW: What do you mean and Ginny stole all that stuff back and sent it back to her.  
  
HP: Yeah she told me. You have to tell Hermione you like her.  
  
RW: But there's no point in that because she doesn't like me.  
  
GW: Honestly, you are so stupid Ron, of course, she does and she deserves to know why you took her toothbrush.  
  
RW: And you are here because...?  
  
GW: You're so mean Ron. I'm here to make you wise up because you're my big brother and I love you.  
  
RW: Why are you really here? GW: That reason and I also really need to talk to Harry.  
  
RW: We're busy, go away and owl him.  
  
HP: Ron let me talk to Ginny for a minute okay.  
  
RW: Two minutes or I'll tell mum you're dating.  
  
GW: Five or I'll tell mum you're sending Pig to steal Hermione's stuff  
  
RW: Three minutes and I didn't send him he went on his own; I just didn't send the stuff back.  
  
GW: Four  
  
RW: Three and a half  
  
HP: This is highly entertaining  
  
GW: Fine three and a half  
  
RW: I'm gone and don't forget I'm timing  
  
HP: So why didn't you want tell you're mum we're dating  
  
GW: One I don't want to hear the lecture on a appropriate behavior, and two I don't want to put you through the interrogation from my brothers. Ron, Fred, and George are sworn to secrecy because trust me you think Ron is overprotective wait till you see Bill and Charlie in their big brother mode.  
  
HP: Okay  
  
GW: So anyway I wanted to thank you for the roses, they're so beautiful.  
  
HP: You're welcome  
  
RW: Okay times up. Go away now Ginny.  
  
HP: Please stay I want to hear what you have to say about this.  
  
RW: Trust me you don't Harry.  
  
HP: Yes I do.  
  
RW: Fine as usual I'm over ruled.  
  
GW: Don't mind him Harry; he's just grouchy because he hasn't seen Hermione lately. I think you should send her an owl and ask her out Ron.  
  
RW: But what if I screw up.  
  
GW: It's a letter Ron, you can rewrite it until you have it the way you want it.  
  
HP: That's what I did.  
  
RW: But what if I have what I think I want, then I send it and then I decide I don't like what I wrote. Or worse I make Hermione upset.  
  
GW: Tell you what both Harry and I will read it before you send it. Right Harry.  
  
HP: Sure  
  
RW: Okay, fine  
  
GW: Now go write it.  
  
RW: And leave you alone together.  
  
HP: Ron you can trust me okay  
  
RW: It's not that I don't trust you but she is my only baby sister.  
  
GW: Ron just go write it. You really need to give her an explanation and we're just going to talk okay it's only IM.  
  
RW: Fine I'm going  
  
Hermione,  
  
I suppose I should tell you that the reason I took your stuff is because I like you.  
  
Ron  
  
GW: That's too short Ron  
  
RW: What do you want a four-foot piece of parchment declaring my undying love?  
  
GW: That would be entertaining but just asking her out would suffice.  
  
HP: I agree it needs to be at least a few more sentences Ron.  
  
RW: Well what did you say to Ginny when you asked her out?  
  
HP: Well considering I wasn't stealing her toothbrush it went something like. "Ginny, I really like you and I'm sorry I ignored you all those years. I've been an idiot, I know you don't like me anymore but Hermione told me I should give it a try. So would you like to go to Hogsmede sometime?"  
  
GW: Wow you got that word for word.  
  
HP: Huh  
  
GW: Well I'm in my room at that note from you is lying on my desk and you have it exactly word for word.  
  
HP: Hey when you write a letter about eight times you tend to have it memorized.  
  
GW: I'm really not worth writing something eight times  
  
HP: Don't say that Gin you are too worth it.  
  
RW: How's this "Hermione, I'm sorry I stole your stuff, I've been an idiot. But the real reason I took your stuff was because I really like you, would you like to go to Hogsmede sometime. If you don't that's okay too. Ron  
  
GW: Perfect  
  
HP: Great job mate.  
  
GW: Now all you need to do is copy it down so she can read your handwriting.  
  
HP: Aunt Petunia is yelling at me I had better go.  
  
GW: Bye  
  
RW: Bye thanks Harry  
  
Owl Post Ginny,  
  
How did you do it? You're amazing. Thanks  
  
Hermione  
  
Reviews- Wow so many of you reviewed. Thank you so much you guys are all awesome.  
  
The person who's username showed up blank- I don't really know what happened there but there's a blank space. Anyway I play clarinet in the 8/9th grade symphonic band, but I'm not very good. Trumpets are cool.  
  
Jamiebelle- You really are. And thanks for the praise about Ron. I agree he can be hard to do. You mentioned in Sleeping Beauties and Sewing Machines that Ron and Hermione are exhausting I have to agree. The toothbrush part you found gross was another thing that popped into the story I honestly have no idea where it came from yet other thing I can't really explain. I'll work harder on the spelling and grammar I understand it can be difficult to read. Punctuation especially isn't one of my strong points. Thanks for reviewing every chapter.  
  
PrincessSaraSolo- I hadn't thought of that but you are really right. I hope they don't have the same fate as the Tarleton twins and Mrs. Tarleton is like Molly. Did you notice they all have red hair too? I just found out about Ginerva being her real name so I'm going to continue using Virginia in this fic but for any others I write I'll use Ginerva. Thanks for pointing that out.  
  
Jlatmil1- Yes this fic is a bit strange. The explanation for that is the first chapter was written at like three in the morning when I couldn't sleep.  
  
Tanydwr- The Potter and red head thing is rather cliché but I just had to put it in for some reason.  
  
Ladyluck- I'm glad you like it.  
  
Gryphonmistress- Thanks, I really don't know where that part came from it kind of popped into my head when I was helping my mom unload groceries. I'm glad you find it funny.  
  
Livi Smiff - I'll try to write more but I tend to write on impulses which is not a good thing. I'm glad you find it funny.  
  
Another blank space- Yeah I know it's really odd, like me. I suppose I'll have to write more. My ideas are starting to run out though.  
  
Rough Rider32690- Thank you I'm glad you like the IM thing. The scary part is I don't even have IM.  
  
Natsumi Akimoto- Thank you for pointing that out. I'm going to use Virginia for the rest of this fic to avoid confusion but I will use Ginerva in the future. Do you have the address of that site I didn't know JKR had a website so I'd like to check it out.  
  
Thanks again to everyone who reviewed. 


	5. Chapter 5: Ahh Back at Hogwarts

A/N: Draco spoke to me, I was just sitting there minding my own business reading The Da Vinci Code and he spoke to me so here he is. This chapter should be a lot better than the last one, just a note.  
  
GW: It's great to be back at Hogwarts again, isn't it?  
  
RW: You are a total genius Hermione, getting the computers bewitched to work at Hogwarts.  
  
HG: Thanks but I'm no genius.  
  
DM: I have to say you're awfully smart for a mudblood.  
  
RW: What are you doing here ferret boy? And don't call her that.  
  
DM: Careful Weasley you might start spitting slugs.  
  
RW: Stupid wand. I would have cursed you to next week and you never said what you were doing here.  
  
DM: Apparently, the author wants me here so I don't really have a choice.  
  
HP: Please get him out of here.  
  
DM: Potter I hear you're dating the Weaslette here.  
  
HP: Don't make me hurt you I could turn you into something a lot less dignified than a ferret.  
  
DM: Like what?  
  
RW: You'd make a good rabbit wouldn't he, Harry? Hermione? Ginny?  
  
GW: Oh yes a very good rabbit, he could go live in the Forbidden Forest.  
  
HG: Or better yet we could mess up his memory and he could go live with Lockhart in St. Mungo's  
  
DM: I'll take the rabbit. I hate Lockhart.  
  
RW: Who doesn't?  
  
HP: Ha, do you remember Snape when he was around, he hated Lockhart almost as much as me, which is pretty much the only advantage there was to having him around.  
  
DM: I seem to remember a certain Valentine Potter received that year. How did that go again?  
  
RW: Cough Ginny  
  
GW: I so did not send that, it was a stupid prank from Fred and George that only the ferret here seems to find funny.  
  
DM: His eyes are as green as a fresh pickled-  
  
GW: What were the words to that bat bogey curse, Hermione? Was it Baticantiem or Batiboogeimeum?  
  
HG: Baticantiem.  
  
GW: That you Hermione, watch it ferret.  
  
DM: You people really have to get over that ferret thing. It was ages ago.  
  
RW: Can't it was one of the best memories of my life.  
  
DM: You're pathetic.  
  
HG: No, you are and would you go away now.  
  
DM: I'm going, I'm going. It's not like I'm here by choice anyway.  
  
HP: I have the best idea for a prank in potions.  
  
HG: I am out of here, and I know nothing about any prank. Ron, don't forget you're a prefect. Ginny want to come help me with my charms essay.  
  
GW: I'll stay I won't be able to see the outcome so I should at least get to hear the planning. What do you have in mind Harry?  
  
HP: George sent me some invisible fireworks, no evidence, just a lot of splattering of a potion and some loud pops and bangs.  
  
RW: Awesome I say we launch them at the Slytherins tomorrow when Snape has his back turned.  
  
HP: Perfect. 10 o'clock a. m tomorrow  
  
Staff Bulletin Board 11 o'clock a. m the next day  
  
MINERVA,  
  
YOU'RE NO GOOD; LAZY PRANKING GRYFFINDORS BLEW UP MY POTIONS LAB AGAIN. Just thought you should know,  
  
Severus  
  
Severus,  
  
Do you have any direct proof of a specific student or students or are you just still sore about last years Quidditch cup?  
  
Minerva  
  
RW: Did you see his face.  
  
HP: And when he couldn't prove it was us.  
  
GW: Priceless I wish I could have been there.  
  
HG: I hope you two are willing to earn back the 20 points from Gryffindor you lost.  
  
RW: Well at least he couldn't prove it was us specifically.  
  
DM: Ha, I have proof it was you now.  
  
HP: And you will also keep your big fat mouth shut unless you want to be cursed to to tomorrow.  
  
DM: I won't tell because I found it entertaining, but do it again and I will.  
  
RW: Should we go and try to modify his memory, I mean you really can't trust a Slytherin.  
  
HG: Do any of you know how?  
  
RW: No I thought you would.  
  
HP: We could blackmail him.  
  
RW: How?  
  
GW: When I was helping mum clean out Grimmauld Place I found a lovely little photograph of Draco in his nappies.  
  
RW: Perfect why would that be in that house though.  
  
HP: His mother was Sirius's cousin.  
  
RW: We can corner him with it before Charms later.  
  
GW: This will be awesome.  
  
Reviews- Thanks to everybody who has reviewed. Please let me know if you can think of a way to make it better. Lys- Thanks I hope you like this chapter. Alexandrea- I'm glad you found it funny. Band02- I'm glad it was better than you thought it would be I know it's a rather odd story. BOO- I' m glad you found it funny. I'll write more if I have any new idea's. Shortyfaillce- I'm glad you like it. 


	6. Chapter 6:History of Magic Notes

A/N: This chapter is very strange and very, very late because my computer hasn't been working. Thank you everyone who reviewed you are all wonderful. The notes at the end are notes students are passing during class it's labelled but just in case.  
  
GW: Harry?  
  
HP: Hey, Gin.  
  
GW: Did you guys get a ton of homework tonight. Snape and McGonagall gave us loads.  
  
HP: We got quite a bit but you're on your OWL year so you'll get a lot.  
  
FW: Care for a skiving snack box Gin?  
  
GW: It really baffles me why you are HERE of all places.  
  
GeW: We were bored.  
  
FW: And our inventions have been running dry lately.  
  
GeW: So we thought we'd hack into you're lovely, what is this thing anyway?  
  
GW: It is a chat room/ IM.  
  
GeW: So anyways, we thought we'd come and see what the average Hogwarts student is doing as a sort of...  
  
FW: Inspiration!!!  
  
GeW: Exactly  
  
HP: Can you come up with something to get back at Snape with? He took 20 points from Gryffindor because my potion wasn't the exact shade it was supposed to be. I mean Goyle's was bright red when it was supposed to be dark blue.  
  
GW: Don't worry about it; Snape is just sore because McGonagall refused to punish anyone for that firework thing because there wasn't any proof.  
  
FW: I just had an inspiration c'mon George we'd better get going. This is going to be a best seller.  
  
GeW: It'd be great if you would tell me what it is.  
  
HP: Has anyone ever told you that you have some very strange brothers?  
  
GW: Quite often, even mum says that on occasion. Usually when someone comes home injured or with things sprouting out of their head.  
  
HP: Really?  
  
GW: Yeah there was this one time George hexed himself to get Fred in trouble, they were fighting about something.  
  
HP: I didn't know they fought. I mean I've seen you and Ron fight and Fred and George fighting with Percy but never with each other.  
  
GW: You should have seen them when they were younger, they would hit each other on the head with brooms.  
  
RW: Scared the living daylights out of Mum when she saw the bruises.  
  
GW: I still can remember her screaming like the house was on fire.  
  
RW: She always screams like the house is on fire.  
  
GW: Good point.  
  
HG: She just wants to protect you all. I imagine that's why she's so upset about having most of your family in the order.  
  
GW: I had better go I have a ton of homework I shouldn't have even gotten on in the first place I'm so behind because of Quidditch.  
  
HG: Why are we on here when we're sitting next to each other and can talk to each other?  
  
RW: Good point 'Mione.  
  
Various Notes from around Hogwarts  
  
Transfiguration:  
  
Lavender,  
  
I was just with Trelawney and she was looking at her crystal ball, you won't believe what she saw.  
  
What, Parvati?  
  
Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall getting married!!!!!!!!  
  
NO WAY!!!!!!!!  
  
Yes Way!  
  
Damn I think McGonagall just saw you pass this to me.  
  
Ms. Patil,  
  
I have asked you repeatedly to not pass notes in my class; you have a week's detention. I also wish to tell you that I am NOT marrying Professor Dumbledore and I ask you to inform Professor Trelawney of this. Perhaps she needs to re-check her crystal or better yet stop gazing all together.  
  
Professor M. McGonagall  
  
History of Magic  
  
Hermione,  
  
Can I borrow a few sentences from your potions essay, I'm two inches short.  
  
No, Ron.  
  
Pretty please.  
  
No.  
  
I'll buy you a new book when we go to Hogsmede.  
  
No  
  
I'll buy you chocolate.  
  
NO!  
  
I'll buy you a pony.  
  
FOR THE LAST TIME NO! And I don't need or want a pony.  
  
You can't afford a pony Ron. And you're supposed to be buying this stuff for her anyway.  
  
Shut up Ginny, you're not even supposed to be in this class.  
  
Why not, I had a free period and Harry asked me if I wanted to come to History of Magic with you guys.  
  
Why anyone would actually come to this class voluntarily...  
  
Potions  
  
Pansy, Though you are a truly, um beautiful girl. I have realised that I no longer have any feelings for you.  
  
Are you breaking up with me Draco?  
  
Yeah. I think so.  
  
You stupid git! I hate you! You can rot in hell for all I care! I hope Potter beats you to a pulp at the next Quidditch match!  
  
Though you're last remark was quite harsh, I really don't give a damn how you feel.  
  
Ron,  
  
Do you think Snape would look better if he had radishes coming out his ears?  
  
It would be a drastic improvement Harry.  
  
Hermione I'm still an inch short.  
  
Tough luck.  
  
Please, you don't want be to have detention do you?  
  
If you did, you would deserve it for not finishing your essay.  
  
Bet you five galleons he takes another fifty points before the end of class.  
  
Honestly, between the two of you it's a wonder we have any points left.  
  
Charms  
  
Luna,  
  
Did you find any Crumple horned Shorcaks on vacation?  
  
No I didn't Ginny, and you spelled that wrong, but we were abducted by aliens and were taken to Mars for a brief time.  
  
How nice.  
  
Yes, it was quite enjoyable they helped me with my transfiguration homework.  
  
That essay was hard wasn't it?  
  
The aliens found it very easy.  
  
Really?  
  
Yes, they're very smart  
  
A/N: If the way I portrayed Luna offends anyone I'm sorry in advance. I really love Luna I do and right now, I'm writing an H/G story, which will put her in a much better light. It will be awhile before it's up though because I want to finish it completely before I post it.  
  
Reviews - So many of you reviewed, Thanks soooo much I really appreciate it.  
  
Cristen: I'm glad you like having Draco in here; he's really fun to write.  
  
Jamiebelle - Thanks. McGonagall is a funny character isn't she I wrote that note like three times before I was happy with it so I'm glad you liked it.  
  
Legendary Didgytamer lee- Wow you give so much praise I am so honoured but really, I'm not that great of a writer. I'll try not to die but tell that to my swim coach, he is about the equivalent of Oliver Wood. My username is because not only do I like Ginny, but 4 /18 is my birthday so I use those numbers a lot.  
  
Band0- I'm glad you find it funny I like to make people laugh.  
  
Anonymous- I brought in some new characters this chapter, partly because you asked and partly because I was bored.  
  
Melissa - You're funny. You're right about Snape he is a bit of a baby.  
  
Sweetie Pye 2332- Thanks for putting me on your list. It means a lot to me.  
  
Lys - Originally, it was an IM but it has kind of turned into a chat room. I put some new characters in I hope you like them.  
  
Blackcherryimplants- I love H/G too, I honestly don't understand why some people can't stand it.  
  
Ilovesmiles- I know how that can get I'm glad you're enjoying this story I'll continue it if I can get any good inspirations. 


	7. Chapter 7:Harry's Revenge

A/N: Unloading groceries must inspire me. Honestly, I was putting potatoes away and this chapter just came into my head. I know this chapter is a bit short I'm sorry but I'm really tired I've been working on Whatever Comes. All day and I didn't mean to even write this but it sprang to my head so here you go.  
  
Thursday  
  
HP: Ginny, will you sneak down to the kitchen with me Saturday. I was thinking we could call it a date since Snape revoked my Hogsmede privileges until next month.  
  
GW: Sure, why'd he revoke your Hogsmede privileges?  
  
RW: Stupid git he took mine too. Malfoy planted a bunch of food next to me and Snape went ballistic.  
  
HP: Apparently no food is allowed in the dungeons.  
  
HG: Well it was kind of stupid of you to insist it was Malfoy even though it was. I mean you know how Snape gets about that.  
  
HP: Anyway he was in a really bad mood so after he did all that to Ron he started ragging on me for dropping porcupine quills.  
  
RW: And then Malfoy poured Harry's frog spawn all over himself and started wailing about how Harry poured it on him.  
  
HG: And Snape bought it of course and blew a gasket.  
  
FW: I know how you can get back at Malfoy.  
  
GeW: We've already owled it to you.  
  
HG: What is it?  
  
FW: It's a new product.  
  
GeW: Pink hair dye.  
  
FW: The more charms you use on it trying to get it out.  
  
GeW: The pinker it gets.  
  
FW: Mind you four behave yourselves.  
  
HG: I'll get the Slytherin password at the prefect meeting tonight.  
  
RW: Did you just write what I thought you wrote?  
  
GW: She did.  
  
HP: Tonight Draco Malfoy is going down.  
  
Friday  
  
GW: Oh my gosh have you all seen the ferret today!  
  
RW: The look on his face  
  
HG: And his hair.  
  
DM: I am going to kill you four. Have you looked at my hair? This stupid dye won't come out I can't seem to color it back it just keeps getting darker, it won't go away and I am forever being mocked about it.  
  
HP: Maybe you'll stop crossing us.  
  
RW: Tell Snape and there's more stuff where that came from.  
  
Albus,  
  
Have you noticed Draco Malfoy dyed his hair hot pink.  
  
Minerva  
  
Minerva,  
  
It must be a new trend. Hmm maybe I should try it out.  
  
Albus  
  
Reviews- Thank you everyone who reviewed.  
  
Jamiebell – I'm glad you liked McGonagall she's really fun to write and about that song. I put it up for the benefit of one of my friends who doesn't like H/G  
  
mary-v – I don't know the address but if you go to sugarquill.net there's a link to her site on the first page. Let me know if you can't find it the site was really cool.  
  
Staringstars- I like to think of Luna a bit deeper so I felt kind of sad putting that in. For some reason it made me feel like I was making fun of her.  
  
ilovesmilies=) – You can thank my brother he hits me on the head plenty  
  
cristen- it's coming don't worry. I wouldn't dream of him with Ginny or Hermione. I might have him ask Ginny out though. Just to get Harry and Ron mad.  
  
blackcherryimplants- They're all at school. 


	8. Chapter 8: Pink Hair

A/N: Wow chapter eight and it's almost the end of June. Where is my summer going???? What can I say my muses won't leave me alone. I was trying to lay down and relax and read the third immortal book when this pops into my head  
  
Mummy,  
  
My hair, it just keeps getting pinker and pinker mum. Make it stop the others laugh at me, at ME a Malfoy. Can I have a new broom mum? Potter still has a better broom and if I have to play Quidditch with pink hair then shouldn't I get a better broom.  
  
Love,  
  
Your little Draco  
  
FW: I've come up with some purple hair dye if you would like to get some.  
  
GeW: Maybe try it out on Snape.  
  
GW: Like Snape washes his hair.  
  
FW: Or one of the other Slytherins.  
  
HP: Ha, Draco is the only one who washes his hair. The other Slytherins are striving to be just like Snape, the slimy git.  
  
RW: Harry's having some issues against Snape.  
  
FW: We noticed.  
  
HP: He won't leave me alone I mean for example Peeves thought it'd be real funny to shove Goyle into the vanishing cabinet  
  
RW: You have to admit it was.  
  
HP: Continuing on, he shoves Goyle in the vanishing cabinet then when he turns up a week later and guess who loses a hundred points, gets a weeks detention, and..  
  
GeW: There's an and, that's never good.  
  
HP: And I get a lecture about how I am just like my father thinking I can get away with everything and how I am so arrogant and blah blah on and on for an hour making me completely miss divination  
  
RW: Lucky, even if you were with Snape at least you didn't have to listen to the old bat go on and on about some inter sprit thing.  
  
GW: What inter sprit thing?  
  
RW: I'm not sure I wasn't really paying attention. Hey, where's Hermione?  
  
GW: She had detention, didn't she tell you?  
  
RW: SHE HAD DETENTION????????  
  
HP: For what?  
  
GW: I can't believe she didn't tell you. She cursed some Slytherin in the hall because he was picking on some first years.  
  
FW: What is it with you people and Slytherins?????? If you're not plotting against them, you're complaining about them.  
  
HP: With all due respect, you're the one supplying us with plotting material.  
  
GeW: He has a point you know.  
  
RW: I can't believe that she cursed someone.  
  
DM: I can, she smacked me that one time, remember.  
  
FW: Why if it isn't the pink ferret.  
  
GeW: How are things these days ferret. Been losing any Quidditch matches against us.?  
  
DM: When will you people get over the ferret thing???????  
  
FW: That's the thing Malfoy  
  
GeW: We can't  
  
DM: I'm going to go socialize with civilized people. In fact I'm only here right now because the author wants me here. Again  
  
HG: Oh my gosh, have you guys seen Professor Dumbledore today?  
  
RW: You're back and I saw him at dinner.  
  
HG: Yeah and I had my first detention in years.  
  
GW: Who was it with?  
  
HG: Filch  
  
FW: Oh he's the worst of the lot.  
  
GeW: But the trick with him is you have to act real sweet.  
  
FW: Even if he threatens to send you into the Forbidden Forest  
  
GeW: Or makes you feed Hagrids shrewts, remember that Fred.  
  
FW: I still have the burn marks, anyway say yes really sweet no matter what  
  
GeW: And give him great big smiles  
  
HG: I'll remember that next time I have detention again. Anyway Professor Dumbledore has died his hair pink.  
  
GW: No!!!!!!!  
  
RW: Beard and all?  
  
HG: Beard and all.  
  
HP: Wow  
  
FW: That's scary  
  
GeW: Really scary  
  
ALBUS,  
  
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WITH YOU??????? ARE YOU INSANE????????  
  
YOUR VERY SHOCKED AND SCANDALISED STAFF.  
  
ilovesmilies- Lol you are really funny. How's two hours later for an update. Honestly my muses will not leave me alone I've been working on my other story all day and now this. I can just see you well not really you cause I don't know you but someone I think would look like you in the middle of all these little kids getting hit with floties you are so funny. 


	9. Chapter 9: Ballad of the Mentally insane

A/N: I'm not too happy with this chapter it's not one of my best. What does everyone think of one like this but with the Maurders just and idea Thank you everyone who reviewed.  
  
To my shocked and scandalized staff:  
  
I only dyed my hair pink to be cool like Mr. Malfoy. I suggest you try it . It's very interesting to see peoples reactions and you're never too old to be amused.  
  
Albus  
  
DM: Professor Dumbledore thinks I'm cool!  
  
HP: Bully for you Malfoy. You're still a git.  
  
RW: Is he mentally insane?  
  
GW: Who, Malfoy or Dumbledore?  
  
HP: Both are.  
  
DM: Potter you're just mad because you're not his favorite anymore.  
  
GW: Oh please Malfoy can't you do better than that.  
  
DM: Shut up Weaslette.  
  
GW: Don't tell me to shut up you stupid (words omitted)  
  
DM: I'm leaving now  
  
HP: Whoa  
  
RW: Told you she wasn't as innocent as she looked.  
  
HG: Every word she learned probably came from you Ron.  
  
RW: Which I learned from Fred who learned it from Charlie who learned from Bill who learned it from who knows. So really it isn't my fault.  
  
GW: Note he omitted Percy.  
  
RW: Percy bloody flinched every time someone said bloody.  
  
HG: Ron!  
  
RW: What, you let Ginny get away with a whole mouthful but won't let me say bloody.  
  
HG: She had a good reason.  
  
RW: So did I.  
  
HG: You really are impossible. But I like you anyway.  
  
RW: What do you say we sneak down to the kitchens. Harry mate, can we borrow your invisibility cloak?  
  
HP: Sure just don't stay out too long.  
  
GW: Yes, you two behave yourselves.  
  
RW: She's one to talk.  
  
GW: You can go away now.  
  
RW: I'm leaving I'll meet you in the common room Hermione.  
  
GW: Only Ron can get her to sneak out.  
  
HP: No kidding she really loosens up around him.  
  
GW: Ron can do that to people. Of course he can also make a prat out of himself.  
  
HP: No he doesn't.  
  
GW: Sorry, I forget I'm talking to his best friend.  
  
HP: You're his sister, siblings do that I guess. Not that I would know much about that kind of thing.  
  
GW: I don't mind my brothers too much but sometimes I really wish I had a sister.  
  
HP: I can't blame you if I had a six sisters I would wish for a brother.  
  
GW: Damn someone's calling me I'll talk to you later okay.  
  
HP: Bye.  
  
Albus,  
  
You are impossible.  
  
Minerva  
  
Reviews-  
  
cristen- She wouldn't have a deep relationship with him. I'd just have him ask her out to for something to fuel the fire for Harry and Ron it would be an easy thing for them to retaliate.  
  
DallasTexas78- My muses bugged me again but I'm still not too happy with this chapter.  
  
ilovesmilies=) - Thanks so much for reviewing whatever comes and for this. You've reviewed nearly every chapter Thank you. Theres another chapter of Whatever comes on it's way.  
  
Mutantjedibauer- actaully my brother is three years younger but he still hits. Alot! 


	10. Chapter 10:Sonnet Juice

AN: I deleted chapter 10 because it was total crap here's some way better material to rot your brain with (or you could just go watch t.v, whatever you feel like)

Disclaimer: To keep it short the characters aren't mine. They never have, they never were, and they never will be so on with the story.

PP- Parvati Patil

LB- Lavendar Brown

HG: Did you see that Witch Weekly magazine, it's a terrible outrage ME dating Malfoy it's like that article in 4th year over again only it's worse way, way worse.

DM: I have to agree with you Granger but lucky for you my fathers' suing and demanding that all subscriptions not already disrupted be burned immediately. It's a shame to the house of Malfoy for me to be rumored dating a mudblood.

GW: You say that a lot

DM: Shut it Weaslette!

GW: And that's another thing, calling me that was one thing at age 12 but you're what 16 now try to act your age please.

DM: I happen to be 17

HP: You're really stupid do you know that

PP: Is it true you're dating Draco Malfoy Hermione?????

LB: I thought she was dating Krum

PP: Lavendar I thought we'd agreed you'd stay out of this

LB: I want to know!!! And stop telling me what to do! What am I your slave bending at your every will?

RW: She's dating me so you can both sod off ok

PP: Really, what do you do on dates?

RW: What part of sod off do you not get?????

PP: continue please

RW: We have afflatus conversations about Snapes' Machiavellian attempts to destroy us as well as the many idiosyncrasies that we find among people we know. Now will you sod the bloody hell off.

PP: Fine but no need to get so defensive about it, it was just a question

HP: Yeah well ask them somewhere else

HG: I could have handled that you know

GW: Ron do you honestly know half of what the words you used actually mean?

RW: Hermione, I know you could have but I just had to defend you against those superficial snobs Ginny, I know what most of them mean and you can go away

GW: I refuse to acquiescence your request

RW: Huh

GW: Means no

DM: You people are really weird

RW: We know that

FW: We have our greatest invention

GeW: The invention of all inventions

FW: The one

GeW: The only

FW: Drumroll please

GeW: Ladies and gentlemen we now present to you sonnet juice

GW: Sonnet juice?

FW: A mere drop on this in Snapes goblet and he will be reciting beautiful love sonnets to Prof. McGonagall all day

HG: Why only her, it's extremely difficult to make potions aimed a specific person without their hair or something

GeW: Ah but we have acquired a small strand of hair from her head with a useful little charm

FW: We did it last Hogsmede weekend when she wasn't looking, as you know we don't see her at all anymore

GeW: We've sent some of it by owlpost as usual

FW: Have fun !!!

Notes:

Hermione,

Did you see McGonagall's face when he just started belting out Shakespheres' sonnets over breakfast I thought I was going to wet myself

R

YOU KNEW IT WAS SHAKESPHERE I knew I loved you 

Ha, Ha, Ha, Dad found a book of sonnets once at a second hand store and mum read them to us to make us sleep, something about the language had us snoring in minutes

McGonagall's face WAS great and so was Snape's when he realized he couldn't stop reciting poetry

History of Magic

Ron,

Can I borrow a quill?

-G

First of all you're STILL not supposed to be in this class and second if Harry and Hermione don't have spare quills do you really think I do?

Point taken

What are you writing with if you don't have one?

This is my last one and it's down to the smallest nib

So buy some

No money

Why are you talking to me anyway when you could be writing love notes to Harry

Good point

So I'll just push this over to him and you can leave me to play tic tac toe with myself

Minevra,

I can no longer keep myself from loving you. I have tried so hard over the years knowing that you, my love, my life could never return my adore. So my dear sweet beauty will you be mine forever and always. Will you m'lady.

Love, love oh sweet love

Severus Snape

Severus,

Are you quite all right?

Minerva

A/N Well that was chapter 10 I hope you liked it. The definitions of the words are below. There will probably be more but not in any sort of periodical fashion. Between piano, clarinet, babysitting, swimming, and now drama I simply just don't have a second to spare in fact I'm writing this at 11:00 on a Friday night. Please look for more from me this summer when I have time to breathe. - L

Machiavellian- cunning, duplicity, or bad faith

Acquiescence- to comply, to be in the state of complying (this was for those who have seen Pirates of the Carribean)

Idiosyncrasies- adorable little quirks also known as foibles

Afflatus- a divine imparting of knowledge or power

THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED YOU'RE ALL WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!!


	11. Chapter 11: Hermione's cell phone

Monday

GW: Hermione can I borrow your muggle phony thing

HG: My cell phone?

GW: Yeah that thing

HG: Sure but you'll have to take it to Hogsmede to use it, it won't work here. Do you even know how to work it?

GW: I'll figure it out

HG: What do you need it for anyway

GW: You'll find out soon enough, thanks bye

HG: Bye then

RW: Hey

HG: Hey yourself

RW: Has Ginny seemed a bit mysterious to you lately

HG: Considering she just asked for my cell phone that she was no idea how to work and gave no reason as to why she wanted it I would have to say yes definitely

RW: Yes or no would have been enough but then you are you and what's a cell phone anyway, oh is it that thing that plays the music maybe she just wanted music while she studied

HG: No Ron that would be a boom box or a stereo system you really should have taken muggle studies you know

RW: Where's Harry

HG: Good question

RW: Didn't you say Ginny just ran off somewhere…

HG: Yes

RW: That can't be good last time I saw her she had her mischievous look on

HG: This can not be good

To my reviewers: Sorry this was so short, this is not the end, this is only the beginning or the intermission I guess you could call it until I have more time which will hopefully be spring break and if not then this summer although this summer is already filling up really fast. I'm sorry if the screen names were confusing that's why I got rid of them and they also bugged me to write. Fred and George's meant Weasleys Wizard Weasleys number one and two. I hope to hear from all of you. Every review is appreciated even if you think it sucked. –L


	12. Chapter 12 Lily Evans and 12 Anchovie Pi...

A/N: This chapter is mostly dialogue but hopefully it's funny.

GW: Ok so what's the plan

HP: We'll meet at lunch in the tunnel to Honeydukes. I thought if it was okay with you we could mess around with the Dorsey's a bit, you know crank calls, ordering pizzas, I met you at the beach last summer kind of thing.

GW: I've got an even better idea that will almost assure you get royal treatment next summer

HP: What?

GW: Ok here's what we do….

"It's bloody dark in here Harry."

"Here, Lumos, better"

"Thank you, had me the phone please. Did you look up the number?"

"Yes, I owled for a phone book from Hogsmede last weekend. Here, it's 857-962-6485.

Sound of dialing

"Hello Joe's Pizza Place, how may I help you?"

"Um, hello, I would like 12 pizza's delivered to number four Privet Drive please."

"What would you like on them?"

"What do I-, Harry, what do we want on them?"

"Um…. anchovies and extra cheese on all of them, they hate anchovies and cheese is apparently bad for you."

"Anchovies and extra cheese on all of them please."

"Your total comes to 50 pounds, they'll arrive in about an hour. Thank you for ordering from Joe's Pizza Place, we realize you have your choice of pizza places and we're proud you've chosen us."

"Ok, I need the Dursley's number now Harry."

"857-594-8826, but I've just thought of something, they might have caller ID now"

"What's that ?"

"It's so you can tell who's calling"

"Oh, we're good Hermione told me her numbers blocked."

Dialing

"Vernon Dursley speaking"

Click

Dialing

"Vernon Dursley"

Click

"Vernon Dursley"

"Hi, my name is Lily Evans, may I speak to Petunia please."

"Petunia, telephone."

"Hello."

"Hello Petunia this is Lily."

"Lily? Lily as in Lily Potter, my sister?"

"The one and only"

"But, but you're dea-"

"That's what you thought isn't it, I'm alive but unfortunately in no position to take care of my son, however I expect he will receive better treatment this summer than he has before, if he isn't you can fully expect a visit from me, and I will be angry Petunia, you do remember what happened last time I was angry."

"Yes you blow up the-"

"Remember that Petunia, now I don't want Harry to know of my existence for his own good and of course given a choice he would not be with you at all. Enjoy your pizza!"

Click

"That was good Ginny, really good, she didn't know what hit her."

"All in a good day's work, being the youngest of seven assures a gift of lying."

"Really?"

"Oh sure, I needed some kind of defense mechanism against six brothers. Who would ever expect that innocent little Ginny could crash Bill's broom, nope that was all Ron."

"Interesting."

"Hey you're invited to Christmas this year it'll be a lot of fun with all of us at the Burrow."

"Really, the Burrow for Christmas, wow I can't wait."

"You are a child at heart aren't you Harry Potter. It's going to be so insane you're going to wish you were back at quiet old Hogwarts, trust me on this."


	13. Chapter 13: Poor Charlie

Ginny,

The recipe for the cookies is on the counter. Whatever you do, do not forget to turn the oven down after 10 minutes or IT WILL BLOW UP. Have a nice day dear I'll be back from Diagon Alley around three, make you sure you and your brothers behave you can threaten them with no cookies if they misbehave.

Mum

GINERVA MOLLY WEASLEY,

WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT TURNING THE OVEN DOWN AFTER 10 MINUTES, DO YOU RELIZE YOUNG LADY THAT THERE IS COOKIE DOUGH SPRAYED INTO NEARLY EVERY SURFACE OF THE KITCHEN. GET DOWN HERE AND CLEAN THIS BLOODY MESS UP!

YOUR VERY ANGRY MUM

GeW: Wow Ginny you sure did a number on the kitchen

FW: Yeah I haven't heard her yell that loud in a very long time

GeW: Not since last week anyway when Percy refused to come home for Christmas

GW: Oh shut it I could have sworn I turned the stove down

RW: It must have been bloody hard to clean all that up without magic

GW: Yes and I want to thank you all for your HELP

RW: Mum threatned us with no cake tonight if we even tried, NO CAKE GINNY

GW: Yeah well Harry sucked it up and helped me anyway

RW: Well I'm not your knight in shining armor, ok I'm Ron your brother you know the tall stunningly handsome one with the red hair

FW: Hey that describes me too

GeW: and me

FW: and Bill

GeW: and Charlie

FW: And Percy

GW: We get the idea and as for tall, yes, stunningly handsome, I highly disagree

FW: That hurt Ginny

GW: How does that hurt you

FW: Because I'm tall, red headed and stunningly handsome as well, I thought he was talking about me

RW: Since when is your name Ron

FW: Since I decided it was

RW: And when was that

GW: I give up this is sad

GW: Fred, is George still there? I think I hear mum yelling

FW: Nope he's not here, I hear it too

RW: So do I

GW: It sounds sort of like a howler

RW: Why would she send a howler

GW: Perhaps to make sure we ALL heard it and don't try anything stupid

GEORGE JOHANN WEASLEY,

DO YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY TEST OUT NEW PRODUCTS ON YOUR SIBLINGS?DO YOU RELIZE THAT POOR CHARLIE IS SPROUTING GREEN THINGS OUT HIS NOSE?THAT KEEP GETTING LONGER AND LONGER!AND WE CANNOT GET THEM OUT. YOU WILL REMOVE THESE THINGS AND YOU WILL DO IT NOWWWWWW!

Harry,

I told you so

Ginny


	14. Chapter 14: In which Ginny gets her reve...

A/N: It is very odd to be writing about Christmas in March that's all I have to say

Ginny,

I love it here

Harry

Harry,

You are absolutely insane

Ginny

GW: Hermione what do you want for Christmas

HG: Whatever you find I'll like

GW: That still requires finding something

HG: Ginny there's nothing you can get me that I won't like

GW: So the blank piece of parchment I found under my bed will be ok, I'll just go wrap that up then

HG: Whatever you do just don't blow up kitchen again

GW: You heard about that then

HG: Yes and I'm sorry that I wasn't here yet or I would have helped you clean up. I have to go now I have a ton of presents to wrap.

GW: That's ok Harry and I got up cleaned up eventually though I think he was a tad bit sorry he didn't get any cake last night

HP: Only a little bit

RW: Harry did you get the answer to number ten on our potions homework because I just can't find the answer anywhere

GW: Ron someone needs you downstairs

RW: Who?

GW: Me

RW: How nice

GW: That was a substle way of saying goodbye

RW: Fine bye

HP: It's way too quiet nothing has blow up yet today

GW: Oh sure something will happen soon enough this is the Burrow you know

FW: Did you guys see Ron yet

GW: No what happened

GeW: He went downstairs and apparently he thought he was reaching for a butter beer but it turned out to be a pepper imp potion

GW: Owww

FW: Yep he's outside cooling off in the snow quite a sight actually

GeW: He's rolling around like a dog

FW: It's very entertaining

HP: What's so bad about pepper imp potion, aren't they supposed to help colds?

FW: Yes but they're not recommended for red heads

GeW: Especially one's without a cold

GW: If you're a red head and you take it you'll get all red and steam will start to come out of your ears. If you haven't got a cold it will make you very very hot and you'll have to find someway to cool down

HP: Why on earth do you have some in this house then?

GW: Mum uses it on her flowers to keep them warm in the winter. Ron must have mistaken it for butter beer they look a lot alike.

FW: You guys should come to the window and see this.

GW: Wow he's REALLY REALLY red.

HP: Whoa he's making the snow hiss and melt really quickly too! Poor Guy. I better get out there and help him out.

GW: Have fun, I'm going to stand here and watch, this is totally revenge from yesterday.

FW: Hey I haven't seen Charlie today is his nose alright.

GW: Yeah I think it's just his pride that's hurt.

GeW: You have to admit it was a good joke though

FW: Mum didn't think so

GeW: What does mum know.

GW: Way more than you think she would big brother, way more.


	15. Chapter 15: In which Ron and Ginny are a...

HG: Ginny, did you plant that pepper imp potion

GW: Maybe, Maybe not

HG: Honestly Ginny, he could have been hurt

GW: He would not, and that's what he gets for being a prig and then disconnecting the hot water when I was in the shower

HG: He disconnected the hot water

GW: Yes, he must have figured out I moved the pepper imp next to the butter beer. However I have paid him back for the hot water incident by putting doxy powder in his pajamas.

HG: You didn't!

GW: I did

HG: But Ginny that stuff is really powerful it could really hurt him. And you know in a study of people who inhaled doxy powder more than twice a week twenty- percent went insane.

GW: Relax I used the watered down stuff. It'll just give him a painful burn and I made sure not to inhale it.

RW: GINNY WEASLEY. THIS IS WAR!

NEXT DAY

GW: HE COVERED MY BED IN PINK BUNNIESAND HARRY POTTER DOLLS

FW: I find that hilarious, can I have one?

FW: Whoa she looks really scary when her face gets like that

GeW: Yeah kind of like a bull, you know with the flared nostrils and her face all red

GW: DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH!

HG: This is absolutely ridiculous. It's Christmas, we're supposed to be loving each other

GeW: Yeah that's right Ginny. Aren't you Miss Christmas Sprit today?

FW: Hey Harry you want a Harry Potter doll?

HP: No thank you I have about three million that the company who makes them sent me

GW: Is THAT where Ron got them?

HP: I didn't give them to him Ginny. Why don't you come take a walk with me and calm down a bit?

GW: All right.

FW: Wow and I thought Mum was scary.

GeW: No kidding, mum doesn't look like a bull when she's angry though

HG: Oh be nice and shut it both of you

FW: You know what I think that both our ladies are a little testy this morning

GeW: They seem to have forgotten the meaning of Christmas

FW: Perhaps we should show them all

GeW: Are you thinking what I'm thinking

FW: Yep, we buy them all lots of presents

GeW: Actaully I was thinking confetti

FW: Confetti why confetti

GeW: It's fun it's pretty it'll make everyone happy see we can personalize it for everyone, maybe even Ron and Ginny will stop fighting

FW: It's amazing, it's brilliant, it's CONFETTI BLASTERS!


	16. Chapter 16: A very scary Christmas Eve

A/N: I've been unloading groceries can you tell. There's dialogue here again.

BW Bill Weasley

Ginny,

I'm going to need some help making Christmas Eve dinner. See if Hermione would like to help as well, and dear do try not to blow the stove up please.

Love,

Mum

Ron,

Ginny is helping me cook and if any of the food contains poisons, pranks, or another strange substances; I will know directly who to come to.

Mum

Mum,

I hadn't thought of that but thanks for the great idea.

Ron

FW: Wow George you really did great job on Charlie's nose with those bogger sprouts it's still really red.

GeW: Yeah he's still not talking to me. Maybe our confetti will cheer him up

FW: When are we going to launch them

GeW: Tonight after dinner sound good?

FW: Excellent. We are geniuses aren't we George

GeW: Pure and simple.

HG: Well that turned out pretty well except maybe that one little mishap with the chicken

GW: LITTLE MISHAP. Hermione I burned the thing to a bloody crisp. I can't cook all right, I completely suck at it, I have no concentration that's my problem

HG: You do too have concentration. You can do spells and potions really well.

GW: I'm passing potions because I've been coping Harry's notes from last year

HG: HE TOOK NOTES?

GW: Shocked?

GW: So was I.

GW: As for the spells I'm a witch that's what I do, I cast spells

BW: Bloody hell Ginny what did you burn? It really smells downstairs

GW: The chicken

BW: YOU BURNED OUR CHRISTMAS EVE CHICKEN

GW: and the Yorkshire pudding

HG: Don't worry your mum's made a new chicken and it's almost done, as for the pudding we'll do without

RW: IS IT TRUE? DID YOU REALLY BURN THE PUDDING?

GW: Yes

RW: I really, really, hate you right now

BW: Come on Ron it's Christmas

RW: Sod off Bill this is between me and Ginny

After Dinner

HG: Fred, George, wow that was really beautiful

GeW: Thanks and we even got Ron and Ginny to talk

HG: Quite a feat indeed. I wish I could talk more but I'm exhausted. Goodnight

RW: What did you get Hermione for Christmas?

GW: Bookends

RW: WHAT?

GW: Did you get her bookends too?

RW: Yes

HP: Dammit so did I

GW: Ok so Hermione is getting three sets of bookends for Christmas. I'm sure she'll find some use for them…

RW: We've got to get to Diagon Alley

HP: How there's no way your mum will let us just jaunt out to Diagon Alley at eleven o'clock Christmas eve, the place is probably packed, there's probably nothing left anyway.

GW: How is it three people can buy the exact same gift for the exact same person

RW: They were perfect for her, a Gryffindor Lion seemed so…right

HP: I knew I should have gotten her the special addition of Hogwarts a History

GW: Ok here's what we do, Ron can give her the bookends Harry and I will figure something out, maybe we can make her something

HP: Like what?

GW: I don't know Harry, just…go find Mum's book of 3,000 things to make and do it's on the self downstairs

2 Minutes Later

HP: Here

GW: Hmmm…I know we can make her these wooden carved bookmarks they're really beautiful and we can get Bill or Charlie to enchant them so they don't fall out

HP: What else

GW: Let's see, baskets, magically knitted hats, ah ha quills holders she could use one of those couldn't she?

HP: Definitely I'll make the quill holder you make the bookmarks and then we can get someone to enchant them early tomorrow


	17. Chapter 17: The horrible, awful, evil me...

HG: The bookmarks are sooo lovely Ginny. They must have taken you weeks to make.

GW: They took awhile

HG: You look really exhausted maybe you should lie down for a little bit

GW: Hermione there is no such thing as lying down for a little bit in this house. You sleep at night or you don't sleep trust me ok.

HG: What, nothings been burned, blown up, or pranked today.

GW: That's why I'm worried. Hey I love the homework planner

FW: Have you guys seen poor Bill yet

HG: Point taken

HP: Hello

GW: Harry I love the necklace

HP: You do? Good, I was afraid you wouldn't like it

HG: Honestly

HP: What?

HG: You are such a…boy

HP: Ok I feel really insulted now

HG: I didn't mean it as an insult Harry what I meant was you are soooo clueless

HP: I was being sarcastic

HG: Oh

RW: Hermione do you like the bookends

HG: Ron I love them, they are wonderful

GW: Ye gods what is that smell

RW: Mum's making meat loaf

GW: Excuse me I must go fake sick

HP: What's so bad about meat loaf

GW: It is one thing that Molly Weasley cannot cook to save her life

GeW: Even Ron won't eat it

HP: Whoa

GW: Yeah it's pretty bad

RW: I highly recommend pulling a disappearing act right about now Harry, even Ginny would forgive you

GeW: If you pay us enough we'll magic if off your plate for you

RW: How much?

GeW: Let's start at oh five galleons shall we

RW: YOU ARE MY OWN FLESH AND BLOOD AND YOU'LL MAKE ME PAY FIVE GALLEONS

GeW: Time is money little brother

RW: Fine Harry you in

HP: Sure and I'll pay yours if you want Ron, Ginny?

GW: Faking sick so I don't have to look at it

HG: It can't be that bad can it?

GW: Go take a look for yourself

1 minute later

HG: Oh my gosh that is the farthest thing from meat loaf that I can imagine and I went to a muggle school you know Harry you should look at it

1 minute later

HP: Wow she's right even the muggle schools have stuff that looks more like actual meat loaf

GW: Someone please tell mum I'm sick or have craps or something

HG: Sure

HP: What does she mean? Hermione why are you laughing so hard.

A/N: My own dear Mum is making meat loaf tonight. Thankfully I'm a vegetarian


	18. Chapter 18 : In which Harry learns some ...

**Chapter 18: In which Harry learns some things and the Meat Loaf Horror Continues**

A/N: Fred and George have cast a charm so they can talk in each others heads purely so that you can experience their meat loaf pain. GeW: That's right

FW: No I'm right

LH: Shut up

FW: Who are you

LH: The author

GeW: Are you allowed to be in here

LH: I'm the author I can do whatever I want. I say jump you say how high. I can't believe I am actually arguing with my characters so now for the actual story. This is December 26 by the way

_HP: Hermione why are you laughing so hard _

_HG: I….can't……stop….sooo….funny _

_HP: Whatever this meat loaf is like a rock _

_RW: Yep _

_GeW: We've even taken some for lab studies, see if we can work it into a prank _

_FW: We haven't come up with anything so far _

_GeW: But we've found that it turns a most lovely greenish orange when it molds_

_HG: Orange? Interesting _

_FW: And it can sit in water for up to six months without showing any signs of disintegration _

_GeW: Eat up, mum will be offended if you don't eat it _

_HG: Hey did your mum tell you Dumbledore is coming for dinner _

_RW: Nope _

_GeW: Lord help poor Professor Dumbledore, he may have survived many things but he won't survive this_

Dialogue

"Ahh thank you Molly this looks delicious." _RW: Is he insane_

"Thank you Albus, I know this is your favorite." _HP: Definitely_

"And where is Ms. Weasley this evening?"

"Ginny, oh she has cramps." _HP: Why is everyone looking at me like that _

_RW: Hermione get some control over yourself _

_FW: I think she's going to wet herself _

Later

HP: How was I supposed to know she meant…that?

FW: It's all good Harry

GeW: I've never seen anything quite like your face when you realized what you said

RW: On the bright side I don't think mum's going to be making meat loaf again anytime soon

FW: Poor Professor Dumbledore, he almost choked

RW: On that huge bite too

FW: Good thing Charlie was able to whack him on the back

GeW: Such a he shame he forgot he had a spatula in his hand

FW: I'll never forget it in my life

RW: I almost wish Colin were there with his camera

FW: I'm sure we'll remember it in our minds forever

RW: It goes right up with Draco Malfoy the amazing bouncing ferret

HP: Maybe for you

Later

GW: Harry I just heard what happened from Hermione

HP: And?

GW: I still love you

HP: Good because what Hermione calls my male pride has seriously been hurt

GW: Oh poor baby you'll be fine I wish could have seen that

HP: Didn't you hear the yelling?

GW: Harry this is the Burrow there's always yelling and chaos

HP: Good point

GW: A point I have been trying to get across to you and Hermione for a week now

HP: We go back to Hogwarts tomorrow. Do you think the second term will be as good as the first?

GW: We'll make our mark on Hogwarts this term

HP: We will, will we?

GW: Yes and until then, adieu

RW: Adieu

HG: to you

FW: And you

GeW: and you

How's that for a grand finale. you thought this was going to go on forever didn't you? Sorry but look for a Squeal hopefully soon. In the meantime REVIEW. Thank you have a nice day.


	19. Chapter 19: Or Juliet and her Romeo

**I am no longer able to post a piece like this on Fanfiction due to new rules about scripted stories. So I am going to continue to update on this story as there are no rules otherwise. I will also probably not update again until after the sixth book. Sorry.**

GW: Ahh back at Hogwarts

HP: I love it here, I love the Burrow but I also love it here

GW: It's beautiful with the snow covering the grounds

HP: Want to go see Hagrid

GW: I'll meet you in the common room

1 Hour Later

HG: Hey Ron

RW: What?

HG: Your birthday is coming up isn't it

RW: Hey it is, on the 19th

HG: What would you like for your birthday

RW: I'm not sure, it's bloody annoying having it right after Christmas

HG: Ginny, Harry what happened to you?

GW: We fell in the lake

HG: How on earth did you fall in the lake

HP: It's funny really

GW: See we were on our way back from Hagrid's and we decided to take a walk up the hill

HP: And Ginny's pockets were so full of rock cakes that when she leaned over she went tumbling down the hill and

GW: Right into the lake

RW: Is it cold?

GW: Ron it's January, the lake is cold in January, that's why it's covered in ice

HP: Except where we went tumbling in

HG: I don't see how you play into this Harry

GW: He tried to catch me and ended up rolling down right behind me

HG: Interesting, hey I'm going to the library, Ron want to come

RW: Oh sure

HP: I can't believe they bought that

GW: Well how stupid were we to try and see if one could really fall into the lake from the hill

HP: That was a pretty good story though you have to admit and we proved the myth is true

GW: Yes we can definitely say you can fall into the lake from on top of the hill I'm going to go change, I'm freezing, thank you for your cloak

HP: You know the whole thing was your idea

GW: Hey you went along with it

HP: True very true now go change before you freeze to death

Ron,

He took 40 points off! Can you believe that bastard 40 points because of a stupid comment made by that stupid ferret. I didn't even say anything

Harry calm down mate

40 POINTS RON! 40

Relax I can win them back in divination with my oh so brilliant predictions

What brilliant predications did you make?

Ok so you know how I signed up for muggle studies

Yeah

Well we read this tragic play right about these star crossed lovers and you know how Trelawney loves tragedy right?

Yeah

So I took the play and made all my dream predictions off it. Wanna see?

I dreamed that I killed my girlfriend's cousin after he killed by best friend and then I got banished off to Ireland. But then my girlfriend's parents tried to make her marry this guy she hated so she pretended to be dead but I thought she was really dead so I committed suicide and then she found out I was dead and then she killed herself

Ron have you shown this to Hermione?

Yeah she said that was classic play and I pretty much butchered it

Did she say anything else?

Yeah she doesn't like her cousin but she'd prefer I don't kill him

GW: That is the funniest thing in the world Ron, you actually thought she'd give you credit for that

RW: How was I supposed to know she'd taken muggle studies?

HG: Another 40 points down the drain, if we don't clean up our act, the house cup is just a distant dream

HP: Ahhh but the quidditch cup isn't

HG: That's all you people think about isn't it I have to go work on some stuff for SPEW I'll be in my dormitory if you need me

RW: She does know we can't get up there right?

HP: I think that was the point Ron


	20. Chapter 20: Those Cannons

HG: Ginny I don't know what to get Ron for his birthday

GW: Hermione it's Ron he'll be happy with anything, he's very easily amused

HG: What do you think of a Cannons Scarf, has he got one?

GW: Yep

HG: Cannons gloves?

GW: Yep

HG: What about a magazine subscibtion

GW: Got it for him for Christmas two years ago

HG: Hat?

GW: Harry got him one

HG: WHAT SHOULD I GET HIM THEN?

GW: He doesn't have a collection of their autographs

HG: Why did you say so? I'll go owl for some

GW: He tried that they won't send him any

HG: Why not

GW: Fred and George got us kicked out of a match once

HG: So what

GW: They've been a tad bit angry at anyone with the name Weasley since then

HG: What on earth did they do?

GW: They set of some fireworks that tripped the emergency fire system and drenched the whole stadium

HG: Ohh not good

GW: I wasn't done

HG: There's more?

GW: They lost that match because of it and it's the closest match they've been to the league championship in half a century it's been a century since they've actually won

HG: And he still speaks to them

GW: We were about five then, he didn't speak to them for several months after that

HG: They set off fireworks at five?

GW: Actually Bill set them off but no one knows that and actually they were eight I was five

HG: So you think they won't send me the autographs

GW: Nope, they'll know you're associated with a Weasley you've been in the papers Harry tried too, even he couldn't get them.

HG: Talk about angry people

GW: Yep, I gotta go to potions wish me luck, Snape's figured out I'm dating Harry and I think he's on to the fact I'm coping his notes

HG: HE TOOK NOTES!

GW: Surprised. So was I.

HG: Why would Snape get angry at that? It's allowed, isn't it?

GW: If there is Snape will be the one to tell won't he, Gotta go I'm going to be late

Luna,

Do you think it would be possible if you could owl the Chudley Cannon's and get their autographs. I would pay you of course. I really need these autographs and I can't get them using my own name.

Hermione


End file.
